I hate people...unless they're illegal

I hate people. No i'm not insane or an angry person...but people generally annoy me. Imagine a society without people - how amazing would it be.

So anyway, i'm a pretty easy going bubble of happiness majority of the time. I always get asked why i'm always so happy...but secretly i actually hate people and am an angry little grinch. Literally. I just like to always put on a smile on! I don’t have a smile on when I’m driving though. I generally have road rage, i dont scream or yell...i just curse in my car at crazy people on the road. But today something changed...

As i was driving along Military Road i saw a whole heap of lights flashing at me. No it wasn't a disco ball, a school zone, the ambulance or roadworks. It was a whole heap of drivers on the other side of the road warning people there was police around the corner by flashing their headlights. Now i wasn't speeding (well actually i've learnt my lesson from this one time in bandcamp) so i had nothing to be worried about, but i really appreciated people going out of their way to warn me and everyone else on the road.

There's a whole other discussion that if your speeding or talking on a mobile then you should get caught because you’re a hazard, but still i appreciated the effort from the drivers. We all know that the Government are trying to pay off their debts by increasing speed cameras and parking fines. Its us against the system. So what’s the saying? The enemy of your enemy is your friend. (not that the government is my enemy, but you know what I mean) So people flashing their headlights at me made me feel like i was a part of a community, i felt pretty grateful for their efforts.

So i spent the next ten minutes going mental and flashing my lights at every single car that went past warning them too. Yes flashing your lights for 10 minutes is probably a little extreme, and i wonder if its even legal - but meh i helped someone out today and saved them some money and points!

Do i still hate people in general? yes sort of. But i hate people less nowadays. Some people still go out of their way to help you. There is still some goodness left in the world, even if it is illegal.

Why are homeless people always toothless?

I feel like i’m some sort of magnet for toothless, homeless junkies trying to make conversation.
Ok it may or may not be because i look like an older version of Dora the explorer, but seriously why do i always attract freaks?

When i was in year 8, i was followed by a homeless man for two weeks. He wore the same woollen colourful beanie and the same navy tracksuits with holes in them. I don’t think he was harmful, he was just super creepy for wanting to follow a little school girl.

In year 10, a junkie jumped on me in the train. I don’t think he meant to, he was clearly unstable and a little out of it. I was such a scared little school girl as it was and this toothless mental junkie fell ontop of me. I’m still thankful for a young couple who were also on the train and pushed him off.

This one time in band camp…oh no it was actually on a train again. ( I secretly wish I went to band camp though) Anyhow this one time on a train, this man in an orange vest started throwing orange peels at me. He looked pretty angry, a bit like he was about to punch something…so I just ignored it because I was scared. Yes he continued throwing orange peels at me until I got to my station. I just sat there letting him throw orange peels at me...what the hell.

So basically I attract mental people. I also always get asked for money by lots of weird people…

I’m not going to lie, i hate being asked for money...but as i was walking up Oxford Street today i realised how many homeless people there were. Majority of them toothless. I counted how many times i was asked for money. From World Square to Fox studios, i was asked for money four times.

I was fascinated...every single one of them were missing teeth. What do these people do with their teeth? Just because you’re homeless, why does it mean you have no teeth? Is it because they don’t brush them? They never went to the dentist as a child?(or learnt about Harold the giraffe at school) Or is it because they ate too many lollies? Or is it because they get into fights so they lose them?

So as I was walking to school today ,a man (toothless yet again) who was probably in his 50s begged me for 50 cents. Did I give it to him? No. Did I walk away? Yes. Not because I didn’t want to give him the 50 cents he asked for, but because he looked like a junkie and i was a little scared.

But as I walked away I realised how shallow I had become. I didn’t give him any sort of acknowledgement at all. He wasn’t an animal, he deserved some sort of respect even if he was homeless.

We tend to literally step over these homeless people everyday on our way home, to work, to school. It was slap in the face for me when someone who could be as old as my father was begging me for money and I literally walked away. I didn’t even flinch.

People go out of their way to do things like throw dolphins back into the water (yes random example), or to protest for animal cruelty. Ofcourse it is extremely important to help these helpless creatures and ensure they are treated right…but is it more important then helping another human?

Sure there’s a whole other argument about what these people actually do with their money. (and if I were them I’d probably get my teeth fixed first) But does it really warrant you stepping over them everyday? I mean how desperate do you have to be to beg a stranger for 50 cents?

So i think from now on, I’m going to try and be a little more open minded when it comes to homeless people. Yes they are social outcasts (and at times a little scary), but they are desperate. So next time you come across a homeless person…give them your undivided attention at the very least. And try not to stare at their teeth (or lack thereof).

Its hot and its cold, Its yes and its no, Its Masterchef 2010

When i said life is so unpredictable in my last blog...i meant it

First it was a new bogan Prime Minister...
Then it was Socceroos...
And now Marion leaving Masterchef!! what is going on Australia?!

How can Channel 10 let this happen?For starters she has an amazing sounding name and ofcourse alongside that she's such a brilliant cook. She pushes all boundaries and is just so focused and determined.

She was picked to win by not only all the other contestants but anyone who watched Masterchef. I think the contestants literally jinxed her. Everyone picked her as a goody goody two shoes Judges favourite. Just goes to show being a Teacher's Pet doesn't always help! But what would i know about that...What a random challenge though! A satay sauce?

And what about the nut challenge...I bet every wog who was brought up eating dried nuts for breakfast,lunch and dinner was literally jumping out of their seats in the nut challenge! I know i was.

I'm also glad Aaroon hasn't left the Masterchef kitchen. I know he's a massive stress head, but i love when you can hear the determination and passion in his voice as he talks about cooking. Do you remember the episode where they all found out an old constestant was back in the game. You could see the passion and anger in his eyes. Is it creepy if i find that attractive? A man that can cook is so sexy . Or maybe its just his long hair.

I pretty much love the majority of the people left in the Masterchef kitchen at the moment...

Callum is so cute! I know this sounds ridiculous, but i think anyone who has a lisp is lovable and trustworthy.

Jimmy seems like a really easy going kind of guy...and i only like him because i love Bollywood and the intricacies of the indian culture and hence love his cooking! (and well i ignore the fact that he only knows how to make curries)

Alvin, Simon, Theadore! Do you remember that cartoon? No it has nothing to do with Masterchef...just like the name Alvin. I think Alvin is really dramatic and a massive gossip. But i think he has a lot of potential and i would like to see him in the top 5 - only because he makes great tv!

Adam, (or ninja as one of my friends likes to call him) is a favourite because he's so gentle and always calm.And well he looks like he's a cartoon Ninja. He speaks so softly and seems so genuine.Haven't really paid much attention to his cooking...

I dont really like Claire. She is just too proper and emotionless. She's a great contender though especially with her creative desserts, i'll give her that!

Love love love Courtney! She's the type of person who i'd like to befriend. She's great at cooking general mainstream foods which is really important both in and out of the Masterchef kitchen!

And last but not least Jonathon. The terminator. I have no idea how he beat both Aaaroon and Marion, it was his time to leave! He's not one of my favourites but he's the one to beat in the eliminations! He works so well under pressure.

Anyway i just realised i analysed all their personalities rather then their cooking skills. I think its important that the winner is personable aswell as a great cook. Possibly a part of why Julie won last year because Poh was much more talented then her but not as likable!

Masterchef (and Matt Preston in particular) even make being fat and over endulging look hot right now. (But secretly i think Masterchef will be a part of the next Biggest Loser series)
Thy have dramatically increased sales of all products and ingredients used on Masterchef. I bet if Masterchef was on for 2 hours everynight, we still wouldn't get enough!

So i'm not a very good cook, i've had a few disasterous moments in the kitchen. But you know what, it always presents well!So i guess my cooking is a bit like me, a bit of a disaster but always looks presentable.

I cannot wait for the rest of the Masterchef series! Its got sugar, its got spice, its got a crunch with some drama, its got a gorgeous look about it, I'm having Masterchef withdrawels already. I think i'm going to start wearing a cravat when i watch Masterchef from now on, just so i can get in the spirit.

So My next favourite is Aaroon. *high kick, shakes pom poms* Gooooo Aaroon!!

Machiavellian Australian Politics

Life can be so unpredictable.

So one minute you’re the Prime Minister of Australia...

Most respected man in the country (ok maybe not respected by all)

A stable job
Great title

Steady income
And then BOOM! You have literally been overthrown overnight and replaced with a younger, thinner, less masculine, more orange Prime Minister. Scandalous! Who would've thought watching Australian politics would be more entertaining then Melrose Place.

Politics is a dirty dirty game. And no i dont mean Berlusconi, Clinton or David Campbell dirty. I mean backstabbing, opportunistic Machiavellian dirty.

But i guess politics is also a game with no definitive rules. I remember having to do readings on Italian writer Machiavelli. In The Prince, Machiavelli said:

'Men rise from one ambition to another: first, they seek to secure themselves against attack, and then they attack others.' And that’s exactly what happened with Labor...except this time it was done by a female.

I am a woman, hear me roar. Sure, I’m excited about the first female Prime Minister of Australia. I’m proud because its revolutionary and a reflection of the times. I just wish that Kevin Rudd wasn't ousted the way he was. Even Abott said It was an ugly process and that the Prime Minister of a country should not be treated this way.

This is abit of a pattern in the Labor party though. Keating overthrew Hawke except it was done in a much more respectable process. In Gillard's speech, she thanks the Australian people and says she is honoured to be chosen as a leader. I didn't vote for you Gillard...did any of you?

Will i vote for Labor this time? No. I'd rather watch Melrose Place.

Will i vote for Abott? No his budgie smugglers scare me.

But you know what, voting Greens is all of a sudden becoming more and more appealing.

In The Prince Machiavelli also said:

'The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.' (and women in this case) So...if they didn't think Rudd was capable, what does that say about the Labor party?

Life is so unpredictable. If someone told you on Wednesday, we would have a female PM by tomorrow morning - would you have believed it?

Football Sanity

It would be sinful if i didn't write this blog about the World Cup.

No i'm not really a sports fanatic but even i get extremely passionate about the World Cup - hot flushes and all.

Even if you didn't know a lot about football, who could deny following the World Cup 2010...

Gosh the annoying vuvuzela - where fans are literally blowing their own trumpet and disturbing the players. I want one...

A masive field full of athletic dramatic men - love when they roll around the grass because they hurt their little finger. So hot.

But on a serious note, no sport in the world brings us closer then the football. Did you know its watched by over 2 billion people? wow! (Eventhough its probably got to do more with the abs and less with the football)

Australia has had a short but interesting run this year. Game 1 against Germany was cringe worthy.Enough said.And in Game 2 I felt incredibly guilty that i had so much hatred toward a third world team who probably deserved to win more then any other. Not even Jesus or Joshua Kennedy rather, could save us in the second round.

And what about the bloody Italians. They might make a good pasta but they seem to be ripping us off time and time again. Last World Cup they literally stole our right to win and this year the dodgy referee gave Kewell a red card for something that was out of his control. Where was he supposed to move his hand you retard? the ball was moving at a million miles per hour!

Ahhh love the World Cup. Have you ever watched the World Cup when you're alone in a room? Its really the only time its ok to scream at your tv like a crazy person. In normal everyday life its considered mental and the first signs of insanity. But when it comes to the World Cup, its football sanity.

But over and above the sea of disappointment as people drive home discouraged, i have realised nothing makes us feel more patriotic, then the World Cup.

As we were driving home in the darkness disheartened after watching the shocking game, we saw swarms of green and gold flags on cars, people with green and gold jerseys on and ofcourse billboards of businesses taking advantage of world cup marketing, the sense of unity was electrifying.

One of my friends said something quite powerful...sure you didn't win Socceroos, but you gave us something better then a win. A sense of unity.

Could not have said it better myself.

Hamish and Andy's Caravan of Courage - They came, they spoke, they conquered

An antique snake, blind dates, lycra, foot rot, lochness monsters and lephroncaans. You might think i'm talking about something R rated. But no, i'm referring to the most family friendly show nationally - the Hamish and Andy show.

These two big fish from our little pond are currently testing the deeper waters of the UK. They've set their sights much higher than just their own backyard as they drive around the United Kingdom in their Caravan of Courage.

Sure its probably not the most traditional English method of courage - theirs involves plastic swords, shields and helmets. And instead of storming a Castle, they try to joke their way in and then their too scared to stay the night. But they must be doing something right. The Hamish & Andy show is now the highest rating program in Australia. It is on 35 stations Australia wide, with the main ones being Melbourne’s Fox FM and Sydney’s 2Day FM.

The most adored pair in Australian media have given new meaning to radio. They display all the values and morals of what every true blue Australian should be like and yes their humour and wit makes every woman's heart melt.
Aside from all their giggly hilarious larrikin jokes, the 28 year old pair have shown they're very marketing and media savvy. Gone are the days of radio just having Announcers, these two have proved that they are Content Makers and not just Announcers. Andy has come a long way from the days where he used to panel for Kyle and Jackie O or when they volunteered for night shows for free.

They are the most recognised and loved couple in Australia. They've been able to utilise their incredibly entertaining personalities, not just on radio but over all forms of media. With regular appearances on Rove, Good News week, 7pm Project, over 700,000 fans on Facebook, Twitter and two very beautiful and renown Australian girlfriends, this pair has just proved that they're a brand in their own right. They have created their own segment in the market. And for this venture, they’ve got just two days left to the end of their journey. There is a much awaited tv program dedicated entirely just to the trip, a Digital radio station called Caravan Radio, podcasts and regular photos of them on the website.

Be it savvy marketing or just a love for their funny, blokey, down to earth genuine nature, Hamish and Andy are currently the hottest duo in Australia. And what makes them even more admirable and lovable, is that they dont need to show any skin to get ratings.

This pair continues to give new meaning to radio. Having had the privilege of meeting them, i was quite surprised to see that they are just as funny and genuine as they are on radio. Perhaps that’s the secret to their success.

Thank you Hame and Ando - you continue to give us new meaning to radio and radio will continue to breed more content providers rather than just one man bands.

They came, they spoke, they conquered.

Life Of A Student 101

Yesterday the sunny weather fooled me into wearing open toe shoes. One of my classmates complimented my shoes and I was horrified. My toenails were chipped and there was nailpolish everywhere! For the rest of the day I was walking around like some sort of weirdo with my bag covering my shoes. It was at this point I realised that I have finally embraced being a student.

Going back to being a student this year was not the easiest of moves. I feel like I’ve gone back in time 10 years…. but now much wiser with thinner eyebrows and different coloured hair.

The world of assignments and classrooms was so strange to me. I was used to the world of full time work - always in heels, always at the gym and almost always a purse full of money.

Gosh life is so different now. Despite all these changes I think its the best thing I’ve ever done. I’ve also managed to con my lecturers into actually thinking I’m a good student. Everytime I go to school, I make sure to make an appearance in their staffroom…just so I look studious. Hey at the end of the day they’ll be the ones who will write me an amazing reference for a job when I finish!

And yes I’m not going to lie, I’m almost always broke. But instead of being stressed out about it like I was initially, I realised that its totally ok because everyone else at school is broke aswell. I feel sorry for my poor friends. They deserve to graduate with me at the end of the year aswell because they have to listen to me constantly talking about my assignments and my course.

But aside from all the noticeable differences, being a student has also changed my frame of mind. I guess studying at a bit of an older age gives you the opportunity to throw yourself entirely into something that you are actually interested in.

Growing up every single one of my reports said the same thing “Mariam has a lot of potential, but she talks too much in class” or “Mariam is very talented, but she is always distracting other people in class”. Wow, I’ve finally found a course and an industry where I am allowed to speak in class and will hopefully one day get paid just to speak! Amazing.

So far I have got HD’s in ‘Complaining about Assignments Module 101’…except that module doesn’t actually exist yet. My feet are thankful for all the flat shoes. My wallet feels light. My nails are being deprived and my hair is almost always pulled back. But holidays are just around the corner and so are my assignments…and pay day!

Pornywood

Have you had any embarrassing computer moments? Read on if you have. And if you haven’t, you can just laugh at my awkward moments!

No I don’t watch porn. Blasphemy. And no I wont judge you if you do. (ok maybe just a little)

So I was in class today (yes I’m one of the privileged few who has class on most weekends) and spent an entire day working on my features assignment which will be on the continuing Rise of Bollywood in the West.

So naturally the majority of my material would come from the internet. And like the majority of ethnic sites, the Bollywood site I went to was infected with a virus.

So picture this:

Me sitting in a studio at school. Frantically researching for my assignment and recording off youtube.

Then the computer freezes and says I have a virus.

Then all of a sudden, all these porn pop ups start opening one after another on the screen.

*dodgy baw chika wow wow music*

The homepage then changed to some generic porn.com site and the pop ups continued to open and fill up the screen.

Stab me. I wanted to die. Now its one thing when you have a virus, it’s a whole other story when your teacher and classmates think you have looked up porn during class.

So a normal calm person would try and come up with an intelligent practical way to fix the problem, but I panicked and quickly turned the screen off.

Anyway, so after running around frantically and aimlessly because I was in a panic, I finally found the lecturer and she called someone from IT. She said it was fine and would get sorted, but I wonder if deep down she thinks I was looking up porn during class! Because I know if I was her, it would cross my mind.

I was one step away from doing an assignment on Bollywood to invent the new concept of Pornywood. A mix between Bollywood and Internet porn.

Oh dear. What a disturbing concept.

Your Zone - My Zone

So I don’t use public transport often. Yes still living at home with parents and in the Hills is a bit of a treck from civilisation…so sometimes I’m forced to. I just prefer to drive – eventhough apparently ‘My zone’ is supposed to solve all our public transport issues…but that’s a whole other blog for another day. (Eventhough I’m not going to lie, I don’t really understand how my zone works)

Being a student has forced me to get a little more intouch with the inconvenient and at times awkward method of travel….public transport. I say awkward because I find myself standing on a bus having uncomfortable staring competitions with the freak standing next to me...or being asked very random personal questions by rather interesting people at the train station because I’m in a work uniform.

Have you ever had the person next to you open their oversized newspaper leaving you very little room to move around, forcing you to glue your face near the window because you have a massive piece of paper over your face. Or what about when 50 other people in the carriage can hear the same person's entire playlist and you just wonder how their ear drums are still in tact. Oh dear now I’m starting to sound like my parents.

So I have very little patience for inconsiderate people… but my absolute pet hates are when people speak really loudly on their phone when its quiet, or when they eat or drink really loudly on the train or bus. Ok so I may or may not sound like a bit of a nutter and get annoyed pretty easily. Whatever, I bet you hate it too.

So I was on the train the other day and had a bit of a journey back from the city. Being the fidgety worm that I am, I was going through my handbag and found a nail polish I had left in there a while ago. Without even a second thought, I took out the nailpolish and started painting my bare nails on the train. I honestly didn’t think twice about it, but it only took a couple of minutes before I started getting filthy stares from a couple of people around me. I didn’t realise painting my nails on the train would actually annoy people. Did they not approve of the colour i was using? Was it the smell? Or was it just that i had found something to occupy myself with and they were secretly envious!

I didn’t stop of course…I couldn’t leave half my hand painted and the rest bare. My image was at stake! So I continued painting and could sense a few raised eyebrows around me. I'd like to think of myself to be quite a considerate person and I’d hate to be that annoying person on the train or bus. But there are so many strange yet boring people on public transport that I thought I’d add a bit of colour to their lives. *boom tish*

So basically after that rather awkward experience, i’ve decided that I’m going to be a little more patient with all the irritating strange people on public transport. I guess we just need to learn to be more patient with them because i realised after my experience there is a very fine line with public transport etiquette. To each their own i guess. After all, public transport is Your Zone.

Welcome to Maz blog Land - Catch my Bollywood Disease

So this is my first blog. I wanted to start with writing about something current and topical. Topic of Burqa ban perhaps, Hype of Jessica Watson, Food lovers from Masterchef or even Bieber fever. But I thought some of those topics may be a little too intense for my first blog. I really should be doing my assignments …

So I’m officially welcoming myself to blog land with a topic that never lets me down, something that is current and topical – something that Is literally so hot right now. Yes I am talking about Bollywood.

Haven’t heard of the term Bollywood cinema? Surely you’ve heard of Slumdog Millionaire at least or even the recent Pussycat Dolls song ‘Jai Ho’ that was from the movie. If you haven’t heard of either of those you have been living in a rock and need to get a little more culture in your life. And yes you thought right, Bollywood is rather uniquely named after Hollywood when it overtook it back in the 70s as the world’s largest film producer. Unlike Hollywood though, Bollywood doesn’t actually exist in a particular place.

Bollywood is not just huge amongst the Indian Diaspora but also in Africa, Asia, Europe and North America. They release about 800 movies a year.

For many Asians, Bollywood movies tell stories that they can relate to both personally and culturally. Like many other central Asians, I grew up in a household that watched Bollywood movies which is where I also picked up the hindi language aswell.

If you’ve never seen a Bollywood movie, and if I could describe it to you in a nutshell then I’d say they are : extremely long – usually 2-3 hours. Musicals, lots of singing and dancing – usually running around a tree. And quite melodramatic – involving lots of drama about forbidden relationships, underdogs rising to fame and success and greed, corrupt politicians,underworld deals and villains, or just comedic movies with a much different sense of humour to Hollywood movies.

The phenomena of Slumdog Millionaire was recognised universally, winning eight Academy Awards. Slumdog Millionaire simply scraped the surface of the potential of Hindi Cinema. Coming from someone who has watched countless Bollywood movies, there are plenty of other movies just as good as Slumdog Millionaire but didn’t get the recognition that Danny Boyle did.

The hype of Bollywood Cinema in the west perhaps also has a nostalgic factor for many expats. The glitz, glamour, melodrama and fantasy of Bollywood Cinema is also an escape from reality. I love watching them simply for the unique blend of music and dance and drama of Bollywood and sometimes simply because it takes you to a fantasy land, even if it is for a few hours.
After exposure to world cinema and movies like Slumdog Millionaire, more recent Bollywood movies seem to be a little more realistic – following real world themes. Some of them don’t even have songs – booo.

So if your looking at being a little more cultured or want to be exposed to something new, then try watching a Bollywood movie. It might be slightly painful to watch initially until you get your head around the drama of it all, but you’ll become addicted and soon enough will catch the Bollywood disease I promise.